The Onion Ends Its Print Run on a Satirical Note

By Steve Smith
12/16/2013

As announced on Nov. 8, The Onion humor newspaper released its final print issue last week as the brand dedicates itself to digital channels. What we didn’t know at the time is that the wags at the satire brand would leave the newsstands in their own inimitable fashion. A letter atop the final issue came from Onion “Vice Chairman, Douglas Siegfried Zweibel” celebrating the publication’s dominance of the print market.

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To Whom It May Concern,

Please enjoy the latest print edition of The Onion, America’s Finest News Source, on newsstands now in every city on the planet. As but a mere speck of a crumb in the shadow of  The Onion, you are no doubt aware that our newspaper’s print revenues accounted for nearly 45% of the national GDP in 2013, making The Onion by far the most successful print-based media corporation in the world, and the vanguard of the burgeoning Print Media Revolution. May this most recent hard-copy issue serve as a subtle reminder of our disgusting wealth and prestige.

Cower before us, pathetic peon, and know that no matter what breed of calamity shall soon befall this doomed hellscape we call Earth, The Onion‘s print edition shall never die, shall never be rendered obsolete, shall never fall prey to a sudden and irreversible shift in the global media marketplace, and shall always be there, every week, until humanity itself has, God willing, passed from the cosmos.

 
Tu Stultus Es ,

Douglas Siegfried Zweibel

Vice Chairman 

The Onion , America’s Finest News Source

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In fact, the entire final issue of The Onion in some way references the booming market for print publications. The lead story heralds The Onion’s own 5,000% jump in print revenues. An adjacent story predicts that the digital revolution is still “70 or 80 years away.”

The Onion brand continues its cheeky ways on its main Website, on the arts-focused A.V. Club site and in an ambitious video program that satirizes TV news broadcasts.  

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